How Much?

Do you ever wonder if you're doing enough? Sure, you love Jesus and you say he claims your heart but to what depth does it reach? How far are you willing to go with it? At what point does it stop being an optimistic, heart-warming ideal and becomes the raw, uncensored beat of your heart? As I sit in yet another Bible class and I hear stories and Scripture being analyzed and challenged, I wonder if I do enough of the things God expects from me. Do I pray enough? Do I pray the right way? Are there things I'm missing when I pray? Do I serve enough? Is Christ on my mind enough or on my tongue enough? Do I stand up for God all the time or just part of the time? Is my faith half-hearted or half-assed or both? Do I react to people and situations the way I believe Christ would? Do I give love as freely as He would? Am I as unselfish as He was? How far am I willing to go with this? Would I be willing to give my life for Him? Would I really? Could I? Would I really willingly be a martyr? I have read so many stores of martyrs from around the world, about fellow brothers and sisters in Christ with guns blazing, they never retreat and never surrender their undying faith in Jesus Christ. They sprint into the bullets which have been fired to tear the very flesh from their bones and they do not waiver and never hesitate. Could I be that strong? Am I going to have to be? If Jesus came to me and told me to leave it all behind and wonder the streets for the rest of my life and give up all that is known to me, could I do it or would I be like that rich man that was asked the same thing and slowly walk away? Could I leave it all behind trusting that God will provide? Sometimes I wonder how much faith I say I have and how much faith I really have.